Amy's so called life

My cat Puffy she is my little best friend because she has been there for me when I have had really hard times and I feel like we are really close and I feel like she is like my "baby" even though I know she is not human. I know she is a smart little thing but she did the most dumbest thing possible she went into a vent and got stuck in the heating unit in the basement. It freaked me out because of her doing that I feel lucky that I have Ian as well to help get her out because other wise I don't know what I would do. he was able to keep his wits about him and get Puffy out and I scolded her and hugged her at the same time then hugged Ian when he did finally get her out. this is the first time she has ever done something like this which is really odd because she is a really good cat but I think curiosity got the best of her finally with a vent in the laundry room being broken and not on the wall correctly, we made sure it was taped on the wall very well so she doesn't d

I read some of my old post I seemed to be caught up in just being self centered, immature and that I used this blog as a gateway to exploit my feelings and others. Now I just want to use this blog as a journal of wanting to be a better person and great accomplishments not as a crutch for bad behavior. Plus it's a new year and I want to be a new me in wanting to be better even if it means taking it one moment at a time. I know it's going to be hard because of depression and anxiety but sometimes that's all it takes just taking it one moment at a time, I've come to the grips with that.  but I want a better life for myself and might as well share with others if they/you want to read.

This year of 2014 has been very hard on me mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically (the nice thing is that my marriage has been wonderful! I love being with my husband, he has been a rock for me. My husband has listened to me and has been there on so many levels I don't know what I would do without him if he ever left or something happened to him)  I feel like I have been dragged through the mud on so many levels, situations, people with my depression I feel defeated even with anti-depression meds. I blame myself for it all because I have opened my mouth, that's when the ugliness comes out (hence the last post) makes me want to hide because I feel so ashamed because of the ugliness. I might sound like I blame others but I am the one to blame because I am the one who has the low self esteem, can't control my temper, keep inappropriate comments to myself, socially awkward on so many levels.

So how I feel as a person and how I treat people are pretty close and it's not pretty I don't think because of how I handle situations, talk to loved ones, treat myself, etc. I feel so ugly inside and out and the only person I blame is myself. I know I have become mentally ugly as well, the best pictures I could find that could come close to how I feel are these:

I had the Great opportunity to Women's Conference @ a Steak house with my Grandmother, Aunt, Step-mother, and cosine. I haven't been active in the church for almost 10 years and it felt good to feel thee spirit again I haven't felt it so strong in along time! I have been reading the ENSIGN of the last conference talks and I did listen to the last Conference it did impact me in a good way. When I was @ the Women's Conference I got a little distracted because there were teens there texting on there cell phones, older women whispering a conversation a couple of rows behind me and as a less active person who wants to continue to feel the spirit I can't because of these distractions, I felt sorrow because these women don't understand how lucky they have the gospel in there life and they live in a place where the gospel is so accepted. It makes me cry that they take the gospel for granted. I haven't felt the spirit so strong in so long it felt so good it makes me

I know this is lame of me because I haven't written in a long time, I come up with this but I thought might as well. But I have been working on myself in getting things in order which I feel have been way long over due and making a "game plan" for 2014 so I can continue to work on myself physically & and any other way possible so I can become a better version of myself, I feel like I am on the right path and I like it....allot because I'm actually taking the correct steps to make the right steps in having the "ultimate game plan" and that's I want to have done in the next couple of years.