Amy's so called life

This year of 2014 has been very hard on me mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically (the nice thing is that my marriage has been wonderful! I love being with my husband, he has been a rock for me. My husband has listened to me and has been there on so many levels I don't know what I would do without him if he ever left or something happened to him)  I feel like I have been dragged through the mud on so many levels, situations, people with my depression I feel defeated even with anti-depression meds. I blame myself for it all because I have opened my mouth, that's when the ugliness comes out (hence the last post) makes me want to hide because I feel so ashamed because of the ugliness. I might sound like I blame others but I am the one to blame because I am the one who has the low self esteem, can't control my temper, keep inappropriate comments to myself, socially awkward on so many levels.

So how I feel as a person and how I treat people are pretty close and it's not pretty I don't think because of how I handle situations, talk to loved ones, treat myself, etc. I feel so ugly inside and out and the only person I blame is myself. I know I have become mentally ugly as well, the best pictures I could find that could come close to how I feel are these:

I had the Great opportunity to Women's Conference @ a Steak house with my Grandmother, Aunt, Step-mother, and cosine. I haven't been active in the church for almost 10 years and it felt good to feel thee spirit again I haven't felt it so strong in along time! I have been reading the ENSIGN of the last conference talks and I did listen to the last Conference it did impact me in a good way. When I was @ the Women's Conference I got a little distracted because there were teens there texting on there cell phones, older women whispering a conversation a couple of rows behind me and as a less active person who wants to continue to feel the spirit I can't because of these distractions, I felt sorrow because these women don't understand how lucky they have the gospel in there life and they live in a place where the gospel is so accepted. It makes me cry that they take the gospel for granted. I haven't felt the spirit so strong in so long it felt so good it makes me