This is my life, what I have made of it, and what it has become.
pictures that build up when your having way to much fun
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ya so last week we went to our firt base ball game together it was so cold I thought I was going to freeze! but I didn't so we went back to my house and Ian fell asleep on the couch andso did puffy I thought it was so cute I had to take a picture then today we went to a bridal thing and we wanted to go to see if we could win some money but we didn't but we still had fun and took these pictures instead it was fun
Well I'm officially done with school for a while the only time I'll get a break for the whole year so might as well enjoy it while I can!! So I haven't herd from Matt and I'm not really planing to for the rest of my life. just a little update on that aspect I'm doing my best to keep a positive attitude on relationships and all that "junk" it doesn't help when you see two of your classmates kind of being physically intimate it just makes me want to do allot of things but I keep to myself until I get home then I just break down and ???? with seeing them being close it hurts allot but I know it's not my place to say anything so I don't. Obviously I'm not over the whole thing of having my "boyfriend" leaving and then not really.......well come to think there was a whole lot of other things but in the long run, I've figured He just wasn't that into me, it hurts. Hence that's why I'm just trying to have a better attitude...
I figured if anybody reads this that's great if not that's OK too, but I wanted to update this Blog Spot and my life from depression, despair and sorrow to happiness, full of life and happiness. I want to have a better outlook in life even if it has taken me 40 years to see that and that's OK. I think the reason why is because I finally am in a place where I'm actually happy and I'm moving forward in my life and I don't have anybody or anything holding me back, I'm exited! especially with the new year coming up might as well start everything fresh with the new year of 2018!
So lateley I feel like I have been feeling lucky because I have all these wonderful things like a bed to sleep in, a house to live in, a car to drive, even enjoying the great weather, having a job and thankful I have one, food to eat every day, and even a husband that loves me and laughs at my dorkyness. but the thing that sucks the most is having depression, I couldn't ask for a better life and the simplisity of it but for some reason I couldn't be more misrable and would love to live somebody else's life and to get away from the depression I hate it like a plague it feels like I have the plauge and can't do anything about it makes me want to cry but the thing is that there's nothing to cry about because I have such a good life and there is nothing to be sad about what so ever alot of times I want to curle up in a very dark hole in outer mongolia and covering myself with a rock and just stay there.
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