This is my life, what I have made of it, and what it has become.
some very sad news
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on Thursday Oct. 7 Ian and I were hanging out watching a baseball game on TV and Mini was laying on the back of the couch and I herd mini let out a small little meow and then a little while later I feel him flop down onto me and I thought it was so cute that he was so relaxed that he flopped onto me and that he was in such a deep sleep he didn't move well Ian thought it was cute to and he took a picture and then asked is he breathing and we both checked and he wasn't breathing he has died out of the blue I've never cryed so heard and yelled no so hard and wanting to come back to life I tryed doing CPR on him and it didn't work and then I knew he was dead I just sat there and hugged mini and cryed and screamed "no no this can"t happen and was to live for 20 yrs and he can"t die tonight" after a half hour we decided to bury him buy the house next to a tree so Ian went to his old house and got a shovel while I spent the last moments before we has to be buried my mom happened to come by after Ian got back and she was able to help with some things before we had to put him into the ground I was able to say my last good bye before I put him into the hole that Ian dug and I was able to put the first shovel of dirt on him I have to say that was the hardest thing I had ever has to do Ian was able to put the rest of the dirt on him and did a good job of buring him I don't think I would have been able to do it myself after Ian was done we said a prayer to have clozer and my mom left so we could spend more time to ourselves then Ian and I decided to go to walmart and get a little head stone & a plant so we can remember Mini my only concern that I have with having the headstone and plant that the matince guys that mow the lawn and cut shrubs will get rid of them after Halloween and I hope they Will notice that it's for Mini I guess we'll find out but today it was very hard I kept cryimg while at work and it just hurt knowing he's gone but this is my little tribute to him my little man and cuddle bug
I have decided that I don't ever want to have kids in this life or in the next life because I have decided that I am by what other people's standards a "child molester" overbearing, to rough, yell at them for no reason what-so-ever horrible person to be around with kids so I have self diagnosed that I'm not a great person to be around with kids because I am inappropriate around them in any and every way possible.
Would you choose differently if you could choose your occupation again? Why? How? Any advice? I have been thinking allot about having a new occupation (don't get me wrong I love working as a crossing guard) I wish I could take all the experiences that I have had from the time I graduated from high school til now and condense them into Jr. high til about 20ish, I know that would be allot in a "short" life but I feel like I could have the life I have lead but add to it with an education while still young. Don't get me wrong I don't regret my life at all I have learned allot from lifes lessons, it's not the "typical" Utah life but I would not trade what I have learned for anything. I would love to get an education in the highest degree posible and use it to the best way posible.
so I have to say I hope this works because I`m doing this on my phone but I have to say that my boyfriend is great and we`ve decided to get married but we arn`t getting married tommarrow and we arn`t getting married next month we are getting married in Sept. so if you have a problem that`s your oun falt. but we are happy and that`s that :)
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