This is my life, what I have made of it, and what it has become.
4th of july fun
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so we have been haveing so much fun for the fouth of july we went to the symphony at Sundance and then went to the ballons in the morning and had breakfast together I love soending time with Ian
I have decided that I don't ever want to have kids in this life or in the next life because I have decided that I am by what other people's standards a "child molester" overbearing, to rough, yell at them for no reason what-so-ever horrible person to be around with kids so I have self diagnosed that I'm not a great person to be around with kids because I am inappropriate around them in any and every way possible.
This year of 2014 has been very hard on me mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically (the nice thing is that my marriage has been wonderful! I love being with my husband, he has been a rock for me. My husband has listened to me and has been there on so many levels I don't know what I would do without him if he ever left or something happened to him) I feel like I have been dragged through the mud on so many levels, situations, people with my depression I feel defeated even with anti-depression meds. I blame myself for it all because I have opened my mouth, that's when the ugliness comes out (hence the last post) makes me want to hide because I feel so ashamed because of the ugliness. I might sound like I blame others but I am the one to blame because I am the one who has the low self esteem, can't control my temper, keep inappropriate comments to myself, socially awkward on so many levels.
so I have to say I hope this works because I`m doing this on my phone but I have to say that my boyfriend is great and we`ve decided to get married but we arn`t getting married tommarrow and we arn`t getting married next month we are getting married in Sept. so if you have a problem that`s your oun falt. but we are happy and that`s that :)
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