Amy's so called life

I know this is lame of me because I haven't written in a long time, I come up with this but I thought might as well. But I have been working on myself in getting things in order which I feel have been way long over due and making a "game plan" for 2014 so I can continue to work on myself physically & and any other way possible so I can become a better version of myself, I feel like I am on the right path and I like it....allot because I'm actually taking the correct steps to make the right steps in having the "ultimate game plan" and that's I want to have done in the next couple of years.

YOUTHFUL MIND EXERCISES   Learn a new skill Start a new project Read more cognitively challenging books Write more Learn a new language Try yoga or new exercise routine Meet new people Visit new places I saw this in a magazine at work the other day and I thought this would be great to work on as a  new years thing for 20014 well at least some of them and master them and then start on the next project, the nice thing about some of these things is that you can keep improving on them if you wanted like _meeting new people, learning new skills, writing more even if it's just in my/your journal, reading challenging books.     

It all started when I watched an episode of Phinas & Ferb and they went to the park blah, blah, blah long story short it ended up with the older sister singing a song about squirrel's in her pants. ever scene then all of AMERICA is in love with squirrel's then the other day I found out on the Ellen show that this month is squirrel awareness month other than breast awareness

Before I started my diet I was on my way to very bad health habits, I thought I was healthy & denied that I was on my way to a very bad place. I thought I could do almost do about anything  anybody could and didn't know that I would probably would have a meltdown of every kind known to man. Now that I'm on the diet I have lost 60 lbs and feeling better about myself and retraining my brain & habits on healthy eating & activities and thinking positive. I know I have a long long ways to go I would like to lose 100+ more  lbs to go so I need to get jogging and fast.

I know this might sound like some saga of the locker/restroom at the rec center in Provo but today I went back into the women's locker/restroom to face my demons/fears or whatever you what to call it and I did very well. I had no bad feelings or wanting to run out of the locker/bathroom screaming like a mad woman, hyperventilating, shaking like a leaf on a windy day. I had a very positive experience and I liked it. when I was backtracking through the locker/restroom a thought came to my head that the Holy Ghost had a part in this even though it may sound twisted and weird because I've told other people about this experience about this and they have mentioned that it could be the Holy Ghost prompting me to get out before it did happen and if I did stay in there if it would have happened and that's why I had been shaken to my "core" and left ASAP. but to today I felt so good and nothing "negative" happened which is good. yay!!!..................an...

This morning I went to the Provo Rec Center to get a walk in for the day and to get to know the place better, I noticed the ladies locker/rest room on the main level that I never noticed before so I  thought might as well see what it looks like so if I needed to use rest room I know where to go. So I go in to check it out,  well the more I went in the more I felt uneasy and weirded out and then I remembered I had a dream that I had that I got brutally beaten and raped and left for dead  in a women's locker room that looked similar to this and it was creeping me out and the further I went in it was making me not like it and I almost was going to start to wig out then I just turned around and almost ran out of the restroom because of how uneasy I felt because of the feelings and memories of this dream that I had. I forgot about this dream until I went into this restroom and why would this restroom set the trigger of  having the memory of t...

I Loved coming to this because I was able to spend time with my hubby, meet a guy that new my mom's side of the family history which was so cool and listen to bagpipes, drums, digary doo, and violin play all together in a "band setting" and sound good.

I have decided that I don't ever want to have kids in this life or in the next life because I have decided that I am by what other people's standards a "child molester" overbearing, to rough, yell at them for no reason what-so-ever horrible  person to be around with kids so I have self diagnosed that I'm not a great person to be around with kids because I am inappropriate around them in any and every way possible.

The other day I had an experience were I was in a big group of people and I overdid something and made a total idiot out of myself, I haven't had an experience like that in a long time and in front of all of people I know. I tried to play it cool but ended up going to the bathroom and crying for 10 min of embarrassment. That is why I don't have kids, friends, trust issues with people that I am suppose to trust. I now like I prefer to stay at home have small groups of friends with older kids preferably 2 yrs and older and going to there house it meeting up and not engaging with the kid to much because if I did I would be considered a pedophile maniac who should register as a child molester in my neighborhood I think allot of people I know personally would be very happy that I did that and that I get a restraining order that requires me to stay way from there kids at all times, places that I not even look at them or even talk to them.

OK so it's not much but it's something so I weighed myself and I weigh 230 and I've weigh that for a month and that bothers me because I've been trying to lose weigh and I can't. but my measurements from before I started and now are...... before I started upper arms:18 now:16 1/2, before I started bust: 49 1/2 now: 47, before I started waste 51 1/2 now: 48, before I started hips: 56, now 53 1/2  my thy's are the same I'm not surprised and I'm ok with that so I'm making some progress but not the progress like I want but it's all good but I thought I would share

So I thought I would post some pictures of what I look like now I look still the same for the most part I think but I thought have an update at least, So I started at weighing at 285 lbs for all you skinny girls out there you know who you are be thankful your not that heavy trust me it's not that great you have allot of health problems and to top it off just sitting in a cooler for a half hour I would be sweating up a storm and I think that is disgusting to be honest YOUR NOT SUPPOSE TO SWEAT WHEN YOUR SITTING DOWN IT'S UN-NATURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but anyways I'm down to 230-235 lbs my weight keeps fluctuating between the two numbers so I put both but after spring break I really want to really get serious about loosing the weight and my goal so far is to weigh 200 lbs but my overall weight I want to be is around 130-135 so I have along ways to go but I want to break it down so it's something to accomplish. oh just a side note on the last picture I was b...

A couple of weeks ago my feet were hurting ALLOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so I decided to go on line and see were I can get some shoes that would help, I stumbled across this website that sells shoes and I thought might as well check it out and so I did. I started looking closer at the shoes and their reviews on how people liked or wasn't happy with the shoes they got from this place, for the most part allot of people really like the shoes because of extra padding, extra arch support, wideness of the shoe or whatever it is, of course there was some bad reviews but it's expected when there are reviews but it's nice to read peoples comments on the brand or type of shoe it. So I decided to get this shoe (shown above, there were no reviews on it yet) I knew I would be taking a risk but I went through with it and I worn them for some time and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THESE SHOES!!!!!!!!!!! they are so nice my feet feel so good in them and they have room...

So the other day I was thinking about this and I have had it stuck in my head ever since. I think it's because I haven't lost the weight like I want to but I know I need to be patient with this diet, I have this diet & exercise journal and in the front of it  there's questions that you answer and one of them is What is your body type? I put pear but the more I think of it the more I have convinced that I have a large marshmallow body, small marshmallow head, and tooth pick arms and legs. I tried on some smaller pants (size 20) and my legs fit but my body couldn't fit for the life of me (body is a size 26) so that's why I say that I have a marshmallow body with tooth pick limbs.

So I wanted to write about this even though it's a little dorky but my stray cat Hermes passed away and I found him in the spare bedroom and I cleaned him up (more like put him in a plastic bag with gloves on) and buried him, I cried because he's been coming around for years. Ian and I feel like he came around because he felt safe and this house was a safe haven for him and we wouldn't "kick him out" because he was a stray he got along just fine with my other cat so here's to you Hermes my unofficial cat. Love you little loud eater

So far so good I've lost 20 lbs and I've been feeling great but I still have the challange of almost eating out or parties every weekend, I don't think it's let up since Christmas (but that's what you get when you have a big family like mine) somebody's birthday, valentines day, going out with family, date night, whatever else that comes up but I'm surprised I've lost weight but at the same time I've never been sssssooooo socially busy....going all over. don't get me wrong I've ben having fun but to tell ya I'm getting tired of going out or whatever every other night and on the weekends.  I've never wanted to stay home more till now but at the same time I have been having fun.

So I was reading in this months Ensign ( I know that sounds so churchy churchy ) but I have been feeling like this for a while, but on page 7 of this months issue under "children" talks about thinking & being positive especially around others (not talking about others behind others backs) I think that talking negativity around others makes that person (the person who is negative) look ugly and not so desirable to be around that's why if I have something not so nice I try not to talk about them or be rude to them.

thought I would give an update on my new diet...I have lost 6 lbs in a week! the sad thing is that the week I start I have gone out every other night because of dates, getting together with family and valintines day. I haven't gone out so much in one week since christmas (I HATE Christmas) I like being a home body and it sems like I've been more social in the past week I'm goining out every other night and eating allot of salad.

So I'm starting this new diet and I took pictures last night before going to bed (that's why I look tired) so I can have before and after pictures but this is my info of before starting my diet WEIGHT: 265 UPPER ARMS: 18  BUST: 49 1/2  WASTE: 51 1/2  HIPS: 56  THY: 29 1/2  CAFF: 18