This year of 2014 has been very hard on me mentally, emotionally, socially, and physically (the nice thing is that my marriage has been wonderful! I love being with my husband, he has been a rock for me. My husband has listened to me and has been there on so many levels I don't know what I would do without him if he ever left or something happened to him) I feel like I have been dragged through the mud on so many levels, situations, people with my depression I feel defeated even with anti-depression meds. I blame myself for it all because I have opened my mouth, that's when the ugliness comes out (hence the last post) makes me want to hide because I feel so ashamed because of the ugliness. I might sound like I blame others but I am the one to blame because I am the one who has the low self esteem, can't control my temper, keep inappropriate comments to myself, socially awkward on so many levels.
So for the past year ever sense I started school I have meet so many girls/women that have a boyfriend, married, pregnant, or have kids. The girls/women have been all ages from 15 to 50. I think they are all so lucky because they know what it's like to have a successful relationship with a guy, know what it's like to be pregnant and have kids. for me I've had A relationship but officiously that didn't last long at all. I know that there are men that are weirdo's out there and to be careful of who to trust. but to tell you the truth I'm getting sick of being the only girl that's single and have no prospects in sight. doesn't help that I go to school full time and switching from part time to full time at work. I've had so many people ask so surprisingly "Your not married, no kids, you don't have a boyfriend?" of course I always say no and I always get the same reaction from them. I know I need to wait to "find Mr. Right" but I'm just wondering when "Mr. Right" will come around and how will I "find" him. I go to church, I'm going to school to get better opportunities (the prophet highly promote's going to school) for me I feel like a hermit that smells like the most rancid thing on the planet to guys. for me I don't think I smell that bad! I think I stink pretty!
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